Dear Sister: You are not Crazy

Dear Sister,

First of all, let me say: if you are happily single, go you! God calls us all in such cool and amazing directions and I love you for being out there chasing Him with all of your heart in one of a million different ways. I admire you and am so impressed by you. That said, the rest of this isn’t really directed at you. You’re welcome to read it, but you might find it baffling or even backward. If you let it, it might help you understand and encourage some of your sisters who aren’t in your shoes, though.

If you are somewhat less than happily single, I want you to hear this loud and clear: You Are Not Crazy. The life you want – the husband, the family – that’s a Godly desire. It’s all over the Bible. The very first human relationship was a marriage, and God declared it a pattern right from the start.

Genesis 2: 18, 24 (ESV)

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” … 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

God Himself said, “it is not good that the man should be alone.” And even though He knew what Eve would eventually do, He still believed it was important enough that man should not be alone to make her. That’s pretty important, I think. Companionship worth the fall? Maybe I’m misinterpreting, but I think God places a pretty strong importance on us not being alone. Loneliness is NOT part of His plan for your life. It’s stated in another way in Ecclesiastes.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9 – 12 (ESV)

9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Fairly clear that the isolated life is not God’s plan. One of my favorite little gems that I found during my Lent project last year, though, is from Exodus (of all places). It’s during the time when the Pharaoh decreed that all the male children of the Isrealites should be killed. He tells two Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah, to kill the male babies they deliver. Fortunately, the midwives aren’t evil and they ignore him. And God, to bless them for risking their own lives for the sake of these children, gives them families.

Exodus 1: 21 (ESV)

21 And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families.

I think it’s such a sweet and telling verse that says so simply how much value God places on families. A family is a reward, a blessing.

Now, I want to say this loud and clear as well: there are many different types of family. And God is fully of capable of supplying loving, caring families for people who, for one reason or another, do choose or are forced to be single. Not being lonely does not equate to getting married and/or having children. God is WAY bigger than the nuclear family. BUT if your heart’s desire is a husband and children (or just the husband) and God hasn’t given you a no, then girl, don’t let anyone tell you that’s something you can’t have or shouldn’t want. If you get one thing out of this letter, let it be this:

NO ONE ELSE GETS TO TELL YOU YOUR CALLING.

That, my sweet friend, is between you and God alone. I mentioned this in my first letter and I’m going to bring it up again here; there seems to be a popular message going around in many churches that singles might be “called to singleness.” Sister, if God is calling you to singleness, He will tell YOU that. If someone else tells you that or implies that, you should probably prayerfully consider that option (because it’s possible He’s been telling you but you didn’t want to hear it) with all confidence that God will make it clear to YOU what you life will hold. A life of singleness may be the calling for some or even for many people. But if HE doesn’t tell you that, no one else gets to. If you’ve been asking God for a husband and you don’t have a clear “No” FROM HIM, then you keep asking. I genuinely believe God hears your heart’s desire, He sees it as a good and healthy and worthy desire, and He will give you your desire. I believe that from the bottom of my heart. It may take time. You may have some work to do first. You may have to let some things go from your cherished ideas of what the answer may look like (your future husband may not have blond curly hair with a model’s physique, an Irish accent, and a castle in Switzerland, sorry to say). But I believe that if you’re praying and trusting God, then someone wonderful is coming your way. The rest of these letters will be about what’s happening in the meantime 🙂

Yours,
Allison