I just uttered perhaps the most profound sentence of my life. (Off the cuff too, I’m very pleased with myself.) Who the heck knows what tomorrow will be like? But today’s alright, and that’s a victory.
It took a year of lockdown to start to recognize what a victory “today being alright” (that’s a British euphemism for pretty damn good) actually is. I’ve spent a lot of time over my life worrying about how fleeting this good feeling or that happy moment will be. I think, “I’m really happy now, but how long will it last? How long until another long spell of drudgery?” And it adds bitter to my sweet and ruins the happy moment I did have. Lockdown is a long spell of drudgery, and that’s putting it mildly. But if it took that for me to be able to say that sentence, casually and without thinking about it because I meant it with all my heart, then it may actually be worth it in the end.
Today, I’m proud of myself. I was open and honest. I said some things I needed to say. I was able to stick up for myself without being critical or unkind. I forgave unreservedly and didn’t let a mistake sour a friendship. I have no idea what sort of unexpected twists tomorrow might bring to steal that away. Or how long it will take for the drudgery of lockdown to come and make my thoughts start spinning again. But today, I believe I did well. Today I’m peaceful. Today I feel like I can actually face tomorrow. Tonight I will sleep sweetly. And that’s not nothing these days. That’s actually a pretty solid victory.
Matthew 6: 34 (ESV)
34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.