Five weeks. Turns out five weeks is where I start to crack. Well, probably not start. Probably micro-fissures have been developing for weeks now. But they’re starting to be visible now.
This week has been ROUGH. Well, Monday was actually good. Very productive. And last night I had some good fun getting in touch with friends while preparing for a family pub quiz. BUT I can’t tell you how many times in the past two days I’ve been ready to scream or cry with frustration. How there have been times I’ve felt physically ill due to exhaustion and stress. I have massive amounts of coursework right now, and no way to let off steam. I tend to cope with lots of work (counterintuitively) by becoming extra busy. This forces me to streamline and plan my time well, and gives me planned activities in between the work to let off steam and relax. I don’t have that coping mechanism right now. I can talk to friends, sure, but at a certain point you become “zoomed out.” And movies aren’t really great for letting off steam. It’s HARD.
I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. My poor flatmate passionately hates technology, and being forced to give music lessons from home over zoom has pushed her to her limits. I have a coursemate who has inexplicably joined a facebook group where everyone pretends to be a colony of ants. Entertaining, but also concerning. The whole world is getting a bit frayed right now. And I think Christians need to really consider this state of affairs before we “speak.”
Friends, this might not be the time to threaten destruction if the world doesn’t repent. It may not be the time for political haggles. Probably not the time to campaign against the media or insist that Bill Gates is evil. People do need to repent. You’re point about Trump may be spot on. The media is, in fact, a mess; we all know that. Bill Gates may or may not be evil (I won’t comment on that). But now is not the time.
The world is hurting. People are at the end of their rope. Many people are open to Christianity for the first time in their lives. Because for the first time in their lives they’ve reached the limits of their own strength and are searching for some exterior source. For the first time they’re helpless to do much about their circumstances. For the first time they can’t fill their lives with noise to drown out the emptiness. So instead of getting caught up with personal agendas, let’s give the world what it needs right now. Which is love. Which is a source of strength, peace, hope, comfort, light. Our God has everything this world is looking for. Please, when they come to the Christians in their lives looking for it, let’s make sure that is what they find.
If you’re not a Christian, let me take a moment to tell you why I am. At the end of my rope today, literally on the brink of tears and with absolutely NO idea how to progress through the work I was embroiled in, I decided for the sake of my sanity to go for a walk. I got up to the downs and rambled through the trees, in full bloom and smelling like summer. And amongst the trees and the sunshine I regained my peace, because I remembered Whose I am. The God I know is still alive, still working, still filling the world with delights. And I remembered that I’m still His and He still loves me, even if I fail my master’s degree. Even if I totally throw in the towel and give up on this assignment. He just doesn’t care. He set things at rights, realigned me, then mended the cracks so I don’t pull a Humpty Dumpty.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean everything becomes easy. If you are going through really rough times right now, I can relate. I may not be able to fully understand, because we’re all in different circumstances, but I can appreciate that it’s not easy. The difference is, I have somewhere to turn. When I’m at the very end of my rope and don’t know how I’m supposed to make it through a single moment more, I have someone to ask for help Who never says no. When tomorrow is one giant, bleak question mark, I know and trust the One who holds it so it’s not nearly as frightening as it could be. When I feel entirely helpless in the face of problems that are much too big for me, I can turn to prayer and feel burdens begin to shift. It may sound like it’s just a nice security blanket to hold to, but I’ve seen Him work. I’ve been in very dark places and watched them lighten as I let Him help me walk through them. I’ve heard His whispers, just for me, in those dark nights. I’ve prayed and watched people heal, peace come, problems resolve. He’s real and He’s so so full of love. He’s worth getting to know, so please get in touch if you’d like to.
Take care of yourselves, everyone. And be kind, to yourself and others.