Jesus, Questions

This Just got REAL

Guys, we’re gonna get really real here. This blog is basically my journal at the moment, so you’re going to see some of the nitty gritty.

Today we had a worship night to kick of F&F. Folks, it got CRAZY. There was dancing and cheering and waving of hands, and at least two or three people were slain in the spirit. Um. We are NOT in Kansas anymore. This sort of thing is WAY out of my comfort zone and frankly, it freaked me out. I was not ok with some of it. And I felt hypocritical by the end of it, having joined in with some of the dancing and waving just because everyone else was doing it. And to be honest, because I was slightly afraid that if I wasn’t acting involved enough someone would come try to “slay” me. Yikes. I walked home and decided I couldn’t go to bed in this state, so I went to the prayer room to have a chat with God about everything. And He was waiting for me.

I told Him I didn’t like this place and wasn’t sure what I was doing here and maybe should go home before someone gets hurt. I railed on Him for not being clear enough. How can so many people be seeking Him and yet come up with so many methods and answers for how to do things and what is acceptable and what’s His will? Is everyone else right and I need to change myself? Or has a culture carried some people away? What’s with all the crazy? And what about the people who were “slain” tonight? Are they ok? And how is it even possible to know something is truth? Everyone has a different take on the Bible. All of them profess to be prayerfully considering it, and honestly I can’t fully trust my own interpretation or that of others completely. In tears, I realized I couldn’t ask anyone because I didn’t trust anyone to have an unbiased take. The answers could only come from God, and I don’t really trust my hearing His voice yet.

And yet I’m sitting here writing this, perfectly peaceful. He told me to stay. I knew I wouldn’t leave after four days anyway haha. I don’t give up that easily! I made a commitment to be here, and it was with His input and wise council. This is where I need to be and it’s going to be hard and it’s going to stretch me, but I’m also going to LOVE it and grow in amazing and unexpected ways.

And He reminded me I don’t need to know the answers for everything. And that occasionally, there isn’t a right or wrong answer (although, of course, at times there is). To dance or not to dance? He LOVES it when people dance before Him. He LOVES it when people sing before Him. David, the man after His own heart danced and sang before Him, with all his heart.

2 Samuel 6:14,15 (ESV)

14 And David danced before the Lord with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod. 15 So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting and with the sound of the horn.

But He also LOVES it when His people come and talk with Him quietly. Jesus did that, And Jesus is a pretty good example.

Mark 1:35 (ESV)

35 And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.

He reminded me why I’m here, not to seek esteem in the eyes of my leaders or my peers. Not to fit in. But to seek HIM. And if that means quietly praying while everyone around me dances and cheers, I have permission to do that, and He will delight in it. And if that means dancing my heart out and shouting worship songs at the top of my lungs, He will delight in it. As for the “slain” He soothed me. He will never ever let a child of His who is truly seeking Him come to harm. Whether I’ve misunderstood and it really was His doing (I really can’t believe a good Father would see fit to knock His children about as a sign of love…?), or whether they were somehow misled, He is big enough to take care of His own. And I have permission to look anyone in they eye and tell them to BACK OFF if I’m not comfortable. He will meet me and love me wherever I am.

So what am I to do? Seek HIM. Never mind anyone else. They don’t matter, really. Nestle in close with my Heavenly Father and let His rest and His peace be mine. Love HIM, continue to seek HIS Word and will. And in addition, this will be a season of my getting to know His Son better. I swear He showed me Him taking my hand and placing it in the hand of His Son. Time to walk with Christ now. Let him take the lead a bit. God is still my Father and I can come cry to Him and get His comfort any time, but Jesus Christ is my Lord, which means it is him I will be following and answering to. Holy wow. That kinda rocked my world a bit. But (and I love this bit), it checks out.

Romans 10:9 (ESV)

9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Who is Lord? Jesus. I love to check what I think I’m hearing from God by the Word, just to make sure I’m not making things up. Or if I am, at least that they’re not harmful haha.

So. Big night. Do I like it here? Well…sometimes haha. The people are genuinely great, but the atmosphere is a bit much for me. I don’t know that I’ll ever really be comfortable with it. But it will get me out of my comfort zone and it will help me grow, and it will keep driving me to God. So that can’t be anything but a good thing.

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allih328

Adventure lover, crochet enthusiast, enginerd, and free range Christian. I'm about as eclectic as they come, loving everything from physics to classical literature to line dancing to cooking to sailing to climbing. Life is too short to be boring! With God it never is.

19 thoughts on “This Just got REAL”

  1. God’s mighty blessings, Alli! You are doing right to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. God is working in you to stay away from the slain in the spirit ruckess. You stay in control of your thinking. God is s God of free will…Philemon14…without thy mind would I do nothing. II Corinthians 10:5… demolish your human logic and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. You are also smack dab in the middle of God’s will to go to Him, to find help in time of need. Keep it up! Acknowledge Him in all they ways and He will direct they steps! There is no record of Jesus Christ ever getting “slain in the spirit.” He is the example to follow. I love you baby girl. God has you in His heart and hands.

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  2. We love you and thank God for your beautiful heart to seek Him. Looks like He has your back!

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

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  3. Allison – wow you just expressed some things that I have also pondered in my mind and heart. Love the thought to “nestle in close with my heavenly father”. Prayers and love your way!

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  10. This has me crying in my living room at 5:30am on a Wednesday before work haha. Really love what you shared and I relate to it. And the verses you shared illustrate how much freedom we have—some people are going to pray to God and praise Him in one way, some in another way. We have freedom in doing His will.

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  11. This has me in tears. God’s grace and love is so beautiful. And Jesus Christ’s compassion for us is like an endless waterfall of great peace and love and joy and completeness.
    We love you so much Allison ❤️

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  13. “I went to the prayer room to have a chat with God about everything. And He was waiting for me.”

    This was so beautifully stated that I had to comment. There is nothing quite like quiet times with The Father. I totally relate as this is so often how my prayer times are, raw and honest. I especially love that you found peace. I have found that after so much turmoil in expressing myself to God, the answer lies where I finally feel at peace. The settledness is finally in place and there I can nuzzle in close with God like a great big comforter! Peace…it’s the umpire. We let it rule in our hearts.

    As for these other crazies. They’re on a learning adventure too. In many cases, an unlearning adventure. You are being exposed to things whereby you will be able to minister to others and more fully instruct them. Some will likely even do the same for you. Stay vigilant, but also stay compassionate toward them, as this may be the best they “know” (rather think) to do. You can show them a more excellent way by loving them. Doors may open for you to teach them about speaking in tongues so they can TRULY worship God and magnify Him. Those doors will open if we keep our hearts tender toward others, which I know you will. The temptation will be to become judgemental. Don’t go there, except to guard your heart from those things that would try to move you away from your commitment.

    You and God got this!
    I admire your immediate response to take it to the Father right away.

    Love you little sister!
    Christine Uyehara

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  14. God bless you Allison. Thanks for sharing these blogs with all of us. I especially related to this one. When I was 17, I went to a Pentecostal Church and went through the experience of being “slain” in the spirit. This was just before taking PFAL for the first time. I was fully awake and just copied what others did…holding up their hands and saying Thank you Jesus!” Over and over. Someone landed on my foot and at that moment I felt electricity going through my body. I wasn’t going to allow anything to control my mind so I never spoke in tongues because it freaked me out. I knew it was available, just didn’t know enough. I thought God had touched me but learned so much later after learning more from God’s Word. God knew I was hungry to learn and he led me to the best at the time. I am blessed now to also be a free range Christian. It’s awesome. I wait for His guidance daily and continue to learn more about God and Jesus Christ. What a great life! Love you. Keep sharing your learning. It’s inspiring! Hugs, Melody

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